16 Safe Things to Say to Your Loved One with Dementia

One of the biggest challenges for loved ones of dementia patients is communication.

Experts suggest that people with dementia may struggle to communicate and can have an intense emotional response to even basic statements, questions, or observations from others.

Dr. Michele Nealon, a psychologist and president of The Chicago School, advised Planet Chronicle Digital that empathy, simplicity, and respect are crucial when communicating with a person with dementia.

"The objective is to communicate in a way that enhances the person's self-esteem and sense of well-being, offers emotional support and alleviates anxiety."

Dementia experts provided examples of appropriate language to use when communicating with individuals with Alzheimer's or other cognitive impairments to facilitate smooth and stress-free interactions.

1. ‘Can you help me?’

Helping dementia patients with tasks and going places can be challenging, according to Christina Chartrand, the Florida-based vice president of Senior Helpers, a home care company.

She told Planet Chronicle Digital that if you ask them for help, they are often happy to go to a location or assist with a task, as it gives them a sense of purpose.

"It is crucial that they perceive their contributions as significant and their roles as meaningful."

2. ‘I understand you’re feeling upset’

According to Dr. Sanam Hafeez, a New York City neuropsychologist and director of Comprehend the Mind, validating a person's emotions normalizes their feelings, even if they are a response to something that doesn't make sense or isn't even real.

She advised saying, "It's normal to feel that way," or "I hear you," to Planet Chronicle Digital.

"This avoids a head-on confrontation or argument about whether their emotions are "justified" in reality-based terms, which could lead to frustration or confusion."

3. ‘I enjoy spending time with you’

Social interaction can help people with dementia feel better about themselves and reassured through showing affection, according to Hafeez.

"Appreciation or gratitude is likely to create a rosier setting."

Expressing gratitude or appreciation is likely to create a more positive atmosphere, encouraging patients to feel more comfortable sharing their cognitive difficulties, she stated.

"The message emphasizes the importance of their role in your life, which can boost self-esteem."

4. ‘Shall we sit over here?’

Advised Hafeez to provide a simple task or change of scene.

If someone appears agitated, simple distractions can help reset their mood, according to what she told Planet Chronicle Digital.

"Instead of confronting them about their experience being wrong, suggest an alternative to shift their focus without causing conflict."

5. ‘You are safe’

According to Adria Thompson, a licensed speech-language pathologist in Kentucky with 10 years of experience in dementia care, it is crucial to reassure safety when someone with dementia feels disoriented or anxious.

According to Thompson, who spoke to Planet Chronicle Digital, a basic affirmation like "You are safe" can offer significant comfort.

"Conveying a message directly to someone's eye level is especially powerful."

6. ‘Would you like to listen to some music?’

According to Hafeez, music can evoke positive emotions and recollections, even in individuals with advanced dementia.

Engaging them in a calming and joyful way is beneficial, according to her.

"It is essential to keep in mind the importance of empathy, simplicity and respect."

"Listening to music doesn't need a lot of brainpower or a specific conversation plan, so you're less likely to feel stressed or confused while also providing mutual enjoyment."

7. ‘Tell me about your favorite memory’

Dr. Michele Nealon, a psychologist and president of The Chicago School, stated to Planet Chronicle Digital that motivating someone with dementia to recount a positive memory can aid them in connecting with their past and feeling more anchored.

Engaging in a comforting and familiar conversation can be reassuring and validating for them.

8. ‘I’m sorry’

According to Chartrand, de-escalating situations with someone who has dementia can be achieved through apologizing and showing empathy.

Apologizing can help calm someone down even if no wrongdoing has occurred, as it acknowledges their emotions.

"When interacting with individuals with dementia, it's crucial to approach them with empathy and patience rather than attempting to correct or explain, as they may struggle with processing information and reasoning."

Chartrand emphasized the importance of maintaining the dignity of those being supported and ensuring they feel understood.

9. ‘Let’s do this together’

Doing an activity together, such as folding laundry or setting the table, promotes a sense of participation and teamwork, according to Nealon.

"The act of feeling useful and included can enhance self-esteem and foster a collective positive experience."

10. ‘Let’s try it for now’

It can be difficult to persuade someone with dementia to try something new or visit a new place, according to Chartrand.

She stated that phrasing a question in a temporary manner rather than permanently can enhance the experience.

11. ‘Can you tell me more about that?’

Michael Kramer, a long-term care educator and director of community relations for retirement residences in Ontario, frequently poses an open-ended question to his residents, encouraging them to express their thoughts and emotions.

He stated to Planet Chronicle Digital that this leads to authentic involvement and offers insight into their point of view.

"By allowing them to express themselves in their own terms, asking this question can help avoid frustration."

I must depart to complete my dinner shopping.

It is recommended to inform patients of the reason for departure, as suggested by Leonie Rosenstiel, president of Dayspring Resources, Inc., in Albuquerque, New Mexico.

Saying "goodbye" may make them think you're leaving for an extended period, which could upset them, she explained.

13. ‘I’ll remind you about that in a minute'

According to Kramer, people with dementia may become hyper-focused on a specific topic or detail due to their forgetfulness.

This phrase is helpful when managing memory problems, as it provides a soft reminder without causing stress or irritation, according to him.

"It guarantees that crucial information won't be overlooked."

It's fine if you forget - let's savor the present.

Nealon emphasized that it's okay to forget things and encouraged focusing on the present moment.

Encouraging mindfulness can reduce stress and anxiety by alleviating any pressure to remember, she stated.

Hafeez concurred, highlighting that memory loss can be distressing or humiliating for the individual with dementia.

Instead of highlighting their forgetfulness or demanding them to recall, this phrase alleviates tension and fosters a more relaxed dialogue.

15. ‘Let’s look at these photos together’

Looking at photos can stimulate positive memories and provide a distraction from any confusion or agitation, according to Nealon.

She stated that it's a method to link emotionally and mentally without imposing pressure on them to recall specifics.

16. ‘Would you like to go for a walk together?’

According to Nealon, engaging in a simple shared activity like walking can provide a sense of normalcy and companionship.

She stated that physical activity not only decreases anxiety but also enhances mood.

"This invitation is non-demanding and promotes a calm and pleasant experience."

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According to Hafeez, all of these suggestions share the commonality of creating a sense of safety and connection.

"To ensure safe communication, it's important to create a relaxed, friendly and non-threatening environment," she stated.

"To build trust, honesty, and authenticity, and make them feel connected to you."